I was once in the intimate apparel section of a clothing store with a close female friend who was visiting from out of town. She wanted help picking items that fit, so I went to the changing rooms with her and helped her choose. Later we went to see a play together and sat next to each other. Then we had a candlelight dinner at a restaurant.

I suspect the two of us felt comfortable doing all these things because we were women. If a heterosexual man had been visiting a male friend of his, the two would not have gone shopping for clothes, let alone entered a changing room together, pieces of underwear in hand. If they’d gone to see a show, they might have left a “safety” seat between the two of them. A candlelight dinner à deux would have been, for many, out of the question.

On a different occasion, I was meeting a male friend for coffee right after he’d played softball. “How was it?” I asked.

“I am feeling sore. It was pretty aggressive,” he replied.

“Why?” I said. “Men are rough with each other when they play,” he replied.

“What do you mean?” I pursued, “You were playing with a ball, not fighting.”

“Men hit each other when they play,” he responded. “You know, to keep it masculine.”

I told him about the time when I helped a friend pick underwear. “It doesn’t seem fair,” I observed. “I can do whatever I like with my female friends, and we never have to be aggressive.” He nodded pensively.

My friend’s experience at the softball game is probably not uncommon. The satirical newspaper The Onion once ran a piece titled, “Area Man Unsure If........

© Psychology Today