This post is part of a series on using dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills to create a harmonious household. One of our DBT house rules provides guidelines for gentle communication and humor. Humor can be incredibly bonding, so let’s explore how to enjoy laughing together.
This rule emphasizes the importance of maintaining a calm and respectful demeanor in all interactions—no threats or insults. It’s about being considerate of others’ feelings and ensuring that your communication style and humor are kind and considerate.
In this series, we have addressed many ways to turn conflict into connection. In this post, we will focus on building a sense of inclusive fun that creates a loving foundation for when challenges arise. Research overwhelmingly supports the use of humor for bonding.
Let’s explore how humor can build rapport, create inside jokes, and deepen our connections with our housemates. Here are some tips:
Always remember, everyone has unique sensitivities when it comes to humor. Respecting your housemates’ boundaries is crucial. Use your Wise Mind when making jokes to avoid hurting others. Remember, the goal of household humor is to foster a more inclusive and harmonious environment.
It’s only funny if everyone thinks it’s funny. Too many people disrupt the household by making hurtful jokes that target one person in the family. That’s not helpful. As we explore how humor can help create household harmony, we start by saying no to put-down and self-deprecating humor.
Put-down humor often involves mocking or belittling others for a laugh. Types of humor that destroy relationships include:
If you have ever been the target of this kind of humor, you know how deeply wounding it can be. If you tend to target other people, talk to a therapist about your need to tear people down and how you can use humor to uplift yourself and others instead. Perhaps you aren’t even aware of the impact of your words, or it’s a by-product of being bullied in your family of origin. Either way, you will need support and care to change these habits.
If we are used to being bullied, we may use self-deprecating humor as a defense: “If I say it first, it wouldn’t hurt as badly.” But this kind of humor erodes our self-respect, perpetuates our negative self-image, invites others to pick on us, and reinforces negative self-talk. Let’s ban self-deprecating humor from our homes. If you catch yourself or someone else making themselves the butt of the joke, invite them to be kind to themselves.
Incorporating humor into your daily interactions and shared experiences can create a positive and enjoyable living environment with your housemates. Remember, the key here is to be gentle and use an easy manner. No threats or insults. No put-downs. Gentle humor can be hilarious and inclusive. Create a home culture where everyone is in on the joke, and everyone is elevated with kind humor. This is a significant investment in creating a harmonious home. Living in an environment where everyone feels safe and has a sense of ease in our interactions is wonderful.
If you ever find yourself crossing the line with your humor and someone asks you to stop or tells you they’re hurt, don’t beat yourself up. Take a step back, apologize, change course, and make amends. It’s not about policing your humor; it’s about being thoughtful and courteous to the people you care about and fostering healthy fun. Remember, we’re all learning and growing together.
Don't Laugh at Me; Laugh With Me
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14.05.2024
This post is part of a series on using dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) skills to create a harmonious household. One of our DBT house rules provides guidelines for gentle communication and humor. Humor can be incredibly bonding, so let’s explore how to enjoy laughing together.
This rule emphasizes the importance of maintaining a calm and respectful demeanor in all interactions—no threats or insults. It’s about being considerate of others’ feelings and ensuring that your communication style and humor are kind and considerate.
In this series, we have addressed many ways to turn conflict into connection. In this post, we will focus on building a sense of inclusive fun that creates a loving foundation for when challenges arise. Research overwhelmingly supports the use of humor for bonding.
Let’s explore how humor can build rapport, create inside........
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