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Lasting marriage thrive on tolerance, kindness, and respect for differences.

Strong couples balance intimacy with independence as they grow together.

Curiosity, humor, and generosity help repair inevitable relationship ruptures.

Love endures when partners embrace each other's imperfections with wisdom.

The challenges of a marriage are obvious. Two people, with differences, set out on a course of connection. It’s a partnership to last for years through developmental changes and the ups and downs of life. According to data from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research, only about 6 to 8 percent of all married couples will reach their 50th golden anniversary.

What’s their secret? Is there wisdom regarding how to age a marriage like a fine wine? What can those setting out or those already on their journey learn from them? Combing through interviews with wise elder psychoanalysts who had achieved long-term relationships, some very salient points are clear. All of which I can attest to as someone who has also achieved the magic golden 50 years.

Philosopher Stanley Cavell noted that “All good marriages are re-marriages.” Why? Psychoanalyst Theodore Reik long ago suggested that the person we marry is our “ego ideal,” the person........

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