This past weekend, I went to a holiday party hosted by friends I hadn’t seen for a long time. I was asked to bring cookies, and my 21-year-old daughter Izzy obliged. That afternoon the house smelled warm and delicious as Izzy made chocolate chip cookies from big balls of dough that she froze to make thick-crusted Christmas cookie shapes. I was accompanied to the party by three plates of cookies wrapped in tinfoil, gift bags with Christmas presents, and birthday gifts from summer birthdays I’d kept forgetting to deliver.

After unpacking and making room at the community table for the plates of chocolate chip cookies, I began to make the rounds to deliver the presents. Eventually, I found one of my friends and gave her a belated birthday present and Christmas gift. My friend laughed and sounded frustrated at the same time. She shared she didn’t have any gifts to give in return and said I didn’t have to bring presents. I assured her that I was giving because I wanted to and not due to any expectation of something in return.

Our interaction made me think about what giving means to us. Does giving today mean we expect something in return? I felt confused. Even a bit rejected.

How we can share our spirit of giving with others this holiday season? In our book, Eating Together, Being Together, we talk about “giving love by sharing goodness,” with one example being food that we make and share with one another.

My experience at the party also made me think about how we receive gifts. Isn’t part of caring accepting a gift that reflects the giver’s feelings about the person they’re giving the gift to?

In accepting the gesture (the caveat of course being that it’s an appropriate gift), we acknowledge the expression of friendship and care it represents.

A few thoughts about the meaning of giving this holiday season are shared below. As always, take what works for you and leave the rest.

I recently spoke with my late mom’s........

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