Who do you want to honor?

Last month the world lost a dear friend with the passing of former First Lady Mrs. Rosalynn Carter.

As we grieved, I struggled to understand loss: How does it show up? How can we cope with it? Can we move forward by honoring the loved one it has claimed?

Loss hits us at our core. It’s a deep inhale that hastens to the center of our being. Our feelings are informed by the finality, an inevitable departure.

Loss can be tinged with understandable regret. Not being present to say goodbye, and not sharing what one now understands would have been a last meal. Perhaps such thoughts are embedded in loss’s irrevocability. There’s always more we could have shared.

Our grief stands in front of an imagined future that will never be.

Loss is a bicultural experience that lives alongside parallel worlds. Around us, things carry on like always. We proceed with the normal, but inside we’re different, changed. We know a part of our lives will never be the same.

Society has ideas about how to manage loss: “It will get better.” “Time will heal.” These thoughts might be true. Responses I’ve certainly said in futile attempts to console a grieving loved one.

But maybe they’re not. Maybe no one can dictate how we’re going to feel about a loss.

Not even us.

The reality is, we might never get over a loss. Our best efforts might be to acknowledge the pain and work to live with what has now changed. Perhaps that’s where honor comes in.

I first learned of the Rosalynn Carter Fellowships for Mental Health Journalism when Mrs. Carter was speaking at a Georgetown Training Institute in July 2002. It was wonderful to hear about resources provided by the........

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