We did it! We’re in a romantic relationship. The relationship we’ve yearned and hoped for. Our long-term committed partnership is finally here.

But once we’re in this committed relationship we’ve desired, how do we manage the long haul? How do we negotiate differing needs and expectations that naturally arise between ourselves and our partners?

Thinking about the impact of stress on relationships is important because outside stressors, which often have nothing to do with the partnership, can wear down relationships over time. My husband Julian and I certainly saw this during COVID-19 when he, like many others, suddenly became unemployed as a chef. While this was an external stressor that had nothing to do with our relationship, it, of course, had a major impact as we grappled with financial strain and anxiety about an unknown future, as well as the fears and uncertainties of a pandemic threatening all of us.

How do we manage the outside stressors that seem to seep into our private lives and make their navigation more difficult?

And what can help decrease the impact of these stressors on our relationships?

I’ve been thinking about these questions as Julian and I approach a milestone wedding anniversary. Below are some thoughts that come to mind. They are shared with the hope of resonating with your experience.

It’s natural to get so busy during the day that we forget to make time to be intentional about our relationships. Things pull at us: work, school, kids. They leave us running in all directions except toward our partners.

When this becomes a pattern, we might start to feel distant, even unappreciated. The stress may begin to feel insurmountable as we deal with it on our own, without the dedicated time to manage as a partnership. It’s like our French toast has become soggy in the middle, weighing on us as we eat it, rather than being fluffy and light.

Given the stressors Julian and I experienced during........

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