'We are not asking for your resignation. We are asking you to assume your rightful place as an ethereal lodestar in the hopes and dreams of your people'

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This week saw a faction of dissident Liberal MPs present Prime Minister Justin Trudeau with a secret petition that reportedly called for his resignation. Despite early rumours that it was signed by as many as 30 MPs, the final document ended up being purged of any signatories. It also reportedly focused heavily on Trudeau’s accomplishments as prime minister, before framing the request not as an expression of the will of his caucus — but as a message from their constituents.

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This is normally where you’d find Dear Diary, the National Post weekly feature satirically re-imagining a week in the life of a newsmaker. This week we’re doing something a little different: The imagined text of the “oust Trudeau” petition.

A PETITION, to the Right Honourable Justin Trudeau, Redeemer of Canada, Sworn Protector of the........

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