Most of us can probably recall a time when we got into an explosive fight with a friend as teenagers.

“That stage of life is all about figuring out who you are, which means emotions run high and identity can feel more fragile,” said Kristin Anderson, licensed clinical social worker, founder of Madison Square Psychotherapy. “Because teens are still developing emotion regulation skills, small misunderstandings can escalate quickly in ways that are less common in adult relationships.”

Once we reach adulthood, though, things have typically calmed down quite significantly. Either we don’t see our friends often enough for conflict to arise, or when a misunderstanding or misalignment does happen, we carefully avoid the issue in the hopes it will go away.

Even the closest friendships have conflict. It's what you do with it that matters.

“It is certainly common for friends to have misunderstandings, hurt feelings and differences of opinion. And then there are bigger issues, which can lead to friends ending their relationships,” said Saba Harouni Lurie, licensed marriage and family therapist, founder of Take Root Therapy. “In my experience, people are often conflict-avoidant, and it’s not uncommon for folks to withdraw from friendships without ever addressing the issues at hand. They may elect to take space until things blow over, or they may avoid one another altogether.”

In reality, fighting with friends — much like fighting with a partner — isn’t something to shy away from; in fact, not only does it often signal a close friendship to begin with, but it can also deepen the friendship in turn by bringing in new vulnerability.

“Fighting can be seen as a sign of closeness, but it’s also what allows for closeness, because the repair that happens after a fight helps us feel more connected and more safe in the relationship,” said Harouni Lurie. “When friends are willing to work through their issues rather than let them fester or try to sweep them under the rug, it shows that the relationship matters enough to risk discomfort to take care of it.”

If you and a friend find yourself in an argument, there is no other way to work through it: You have to communicate.

“I would encourage folks to approach conflict with curiosity instead of defensiveness and to try to understand their friend’s perspective, even if they don’t agree with it,” said Harouni Lurie. “It’s also important to be willing to take accountability for your part in the conflict and to be clear about what you need going forward.”

Then the two of you can come up with a solution that works for everyone. Of course, sometimes an issue doesn’t have a solution, in which case you can either live with it or “break up” the friendship — something the experts said is actually pretty common.

In any case, keep reading for some of the most common friendship fights and how experts suggest you work through each one.

Misunderstandings And Miscommunication

The fight:Misunderstandings happen in every relationship, but if we don’t address them in the moment, they can devolve into resentment, fights and relationship breakdown.........

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