A pal of mine is thinking of getting a tattoo. However, his missus insists their garden is too small for all those pipe bands… And that old gag, dear reader, craftily allows me to plug the fact that, in August 2024, I’ll be making my long-awaited debut at the Edinburgh Festival.
Sure, we record an Off The Ball special at the Fringe every year in front of a live audience and I’ve done a couple of “In Conversation With…” gigs with veteran journalist Graham Spiers playing Russell Harty to my Grace Jones. But this is the first time I’ll be flying solo and I cannae wait.
I’ll be 55 next month (or “1” as my Celtic-daft pals would insist) but I can assure you this is no midlife crisis. Check the state of my coupon at the top of the page – do you really think I’m going to live to 110? Nah, I promise I’ve never longed for a Harley Davidson and the very IDEA of leather troosers is enough to bring me out in a rash.
I’ve just always fancied a crack at the world’s biggest and best comedy festival and, with wee Vlad’s finger hovering over the red button, I might as well do it now. I have been performing stand-up gigs for a few years now. Just last night, for example, I did my one-man show in sunny Dunoon and I could now use a bit of advice.
As it’s officially “overseas” (I took the short-cut and got the ferry from Gourock) do I need to declare my earnings to HMRC… or is the seaside town officially recognised as a “tax haven”? Mrs C was tickled pink when I told her about my Fringe debut. She reckons I could do a bonsai version of Puppetry of the Penis for Japanese tourists. (Not a bad idea, to be honest.)
Or why not try to cash in on the success of another Festival favourite and, along with a few pals from near Kilsyth, I could do a show called The Lady Boys of Banknock…?
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In other entertainment news, I’ve devised a new fun game to play at home and I’d urge you to give it a bash. Here’s how it works. You basically switch on a TV quiz show five minutes after it started and try to guess if it’s a “celebrity” special or not. I still haven’t got one right…
Staying with telly, according to a documentary on BBC4 the other night, the introduction of Sooty’s girlfriend Soo to the 1960s puppet show was seen as “sex creeping in” by stuffy Beeb bosses who insisted on a “no touching” rule. A tad farcical, surely, when you consider Harry Corbett had his haun up her erse?
PS. Watched a TV interview with Peter Andre the other night (note to self: subscribe to Netflix) and he revealed he was nearly killed outside a Sydney nightclub at the height of his fame after being grabbed by a nutter and having a knife held to his throat.
Fortunately, the quick-thinking Aussie burst into song and his attacker fled… In the same programme, former Black Lace frontman Dene Michael – jailed a number of years ago for swindling £25,000 in benefits – revealed how he sang Agadoo to murderers. Although they weren’t murderers when he started…
PPS. Two Scottish guys in front of the firing squad are given one last request. The first one says: “I want to hear Sydney Devine singing Tiny Bubbles.” And the second one says: “I want you to shoot me first.”
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Tam Cowan: My solo debut at festival has been far tattoo long coming
9
0
30.03.2024
A pal of mine is thinking of getting a tattoo. However, his missus insists their garden is too small for all those pipe bands… And that old gag, dear reader, craftily allows me to plug the fact that, in August 2024, I’ll be making my long-awaited debut at the Edinburgh Festival.
Sure, we record an Off The Ball special at the Fringe every year in front of a live audience and I’ve done a couple of “In Conversation With…” gigs with veteran journalist Graham Spiers playing Russell Harty to my Grace Jones. But this is the first time I’ll be flying solo and I cannae wait.
I’ll be 55 next month (or “1” as my Celtic-daft pals would insist) but I can assure you this is no midlife crisis. Check the state of my coupon at the top of the page – do you really think I’m going to live to 110? Nah, I promise I’ve never longed for a Harley Davidson and the very IDEA of leather troosers is enough to bring me out in a rash.
I’ve just always fancied a crack at the world’s biggest and best comedy festival and, with wee Vlad’s........
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