Twelve Angry Trump Jurors
Eleven hands go up. All heads swivel to Juror 8.
Follow this authorAlexandra Petri's opinions
FollowJuror 1: Okay, gentlemen. We can do this a number of ways. We can discuss and then vote. Or we can take a preliminary vote, see where we stand and then discuss. Our result has to be 12 to nothing, either way.
Juror 3: Let’s do a preliminary vote. Maybe we can all go home.
Juror 1: All right. Show of hands: Who thinks he is guilty?
[Eleven hands go up. All heads swivel to Juror 8, sitting at the end of the table with his hand firmly on its surface.]
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Juror 1: No?
Juror 8: I’m just not convinced.
Juror 1: Oh, boy.
Juror 8: I’d like to be convinced! Just — convince me.
Juror 3: We saw more than 200 pieces of evidence.
Juror 8: Is it the evidence you’re judging on, or something else?
Juror 4: I think it’s the evidence. I took copious notes.
Juror 8: I just think we ought to take our time, talk it through. This is America, where everyone deserves a fair shake — or even better than a fair shake if the person on trial is in some way affiliated with the Federalist Society. By God, this is America, where if you have done a racial gerrymander but can say with a straight face that it just looks bad, you’re entitled to the benefit of the doubt, and if you want an abortion, no, you don’t. There are freedoms and rights that must be respected, and I think the man deserves a fair hearing.
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Juror 9: Fair hearing! This is the only trial that’s even moving forward before he potentially puts himself outside the reach of justice for good!
Juror 8: What makes you so sure he’s guilty?
Juror 5: We heard from all these associates. Come on! Grover awaits!
Juror 3: To be fair, I do have a complaint. I think they should let us have copies of the testimony.
Juror 4: Yes, what is it about trials? Why do we have to forget that the technology of writing things down on paper exists? Why do we have to ask them to read us the testimony again, aloud, like a bedtime story, but a bedtime story that for unclear reasons stars Michael Cohen? And why do we have to have little hand-drawn pictures of the trial? I understand that artificial intelligence is threatening the livelihood of artists, but this feels like a make-work situation given that cameras exist!
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Juror 1: I’m an artist.
Juror 4: I didn’t mean you. I just meant in........
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