Many people go to therapy when they feel a sudden disconnection between themselves and their partner. They may say things like:

The sad reality of love and relationships is that, no matter how hard we try, people’s feelings can change. Yet, despite this change, people may still choose to remain in the relationship—sometimes out of comfort, sometimes out of fear. Although the person may actively choose to stay, there will be noticeable changes in their behavior. They may be physically present, but the same cannot be said emotionally.

A classic 2000 study from Human Communication Research confirms this solemn reality. It found that when a partner remains in a relationship they’d prefer to exit, they will employ certain strategies to create “psychological distance” between themselves and the other. By allowing them to feel mentally and emotionally removed from the other, these strategies serve to attenuate the discomfort of remaining in a relationship they feel no longer serves them.

According to the author of the research, Jon Hess, there are three main distancing behaviors that a partner will use when they’ve lost interest in their relationship. Here’s how to tell if your partner is using them against you.

When a partner wants to create distance between themselves and the other, they will either subtly or overtly express as much detachment as they can; this serves to create distance by limiting the extent to which they engage with the........

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