Emotional numbness can soften disappointment while making it harder to remember how much something mattered.

Messages about masculinity can teach men to move on from experiences without acknowledging our feelings.

Getting curious about numbness, rather than forcing a feeling, can create room to recognize what mattered.

I was an actor in New York. Yes, that’s right—I didn’t emerge from the womb asking people how they felt for a living. I had dreams of being on Broadway, and after years of work, I finally got invited to the final callbacks for the lead role in a Broadway musical. For this final audition, I was going to wear my grandfather’s vintage pinstriped suit. I planned on changing into it at the audition studio to make sure it looked crisp. But while walking down 43rd Street, half a block from the audition, the suit fell out of my hands and into a pile of Central Park carriage horse manure. Terrified that I’d smell up the room and ruin my chances at the role, I rushed to the bathroom and tried to scrub out the stains before putting the suit on and walking into the audition.

Suffice it to say, I didn’t get the part. I got some generic feedback about how I didn’t have the right look. But I don’t really remember much of that part—the days and weeks afterward are a blank spot in my memory. And while I can recall the moment I dropped that suit on 43rd Street like it was yesterday, I can’t remember how I felt about not landing my big Broadway break. I can barely remember finding out I didn’t get it. The whole experience is a fog, as if the details and the feelings attached to them have been swallowed up together. When I reach........

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