Understanding Loneliness

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Research published by the American Psychological Association suggests that we often limit ourselves to small talk with strangers because we underestimate how much others are interested in our lives. We avoid deeper conversations out of fear that they might be awkward and less enjoyable than they actually are (Winerman, 2021). However, connecting with others in a deep, meaningful way contributes to our happiness, combating loneliness while building a sense of community.

Small talk isn’t totally worth discounting. It has been shown to act as a gateway to deeper conversations, breaking the ice so that “big talk” questions land well (Nyrie Bouloutian, 2025). For author Kalina Silverman, having deep conversations with strangers has transformed her life. Her book, Big Talk, explores ways that we can all connect on a deeper level through conversation.

Q: Share a bit about your background and what inspired you to write Big Talk.

Kalina Silverman (KS): Big Talk was born from the belief that no one has to feel alone when they’re feeling lonely.

You can be surrounded by people and still feel disconnected if you don’t take that next step to meaningfully connect. Loneliness doesn’t come from being alone — it comes from not feeling known.

Big Talk began when I was feeling lonely. I was surrounded by people having surface-level conversations, and I wondered what would happen if we skipped the scripts and asked deeper questions.

I started approaching strangers and inviting them to skip small talk and have more meaningful conversations with me (this was the first Big........

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