The Fundamentals of Sex

Take our Sexual Satisfaction Test

Find a sex therapist near me

Once you start having sex, you don't really make out just to make out.

The wider the sensual playground, the richer the sexual experience.

It's in men's self-interest to cut the umbilical cord between kissing and sex.

Part of maturing as a man is moving from a hyper focus on sexuality to a wider focus on sensuality.

Co-authored by Galit Romanelli

For the past 16 years, Galit has told me from time to time that she doesn’t really enjoy the way I kiss. Not every time we kissed, but often enough that I noticed it. And I was like, sure, I’ll try. I guess it wasn’t that big of an issue for me.

She would also sometimes complain that she wanted more kissing, and that I don’t kiss her enough. She said I mostly kiss her when I want to have sex. I heard her, but I didn’t really change my oral lovemaking strategy.

Then a couple of months ago, toward the end of my 30-day challenge of touching Galit the way she wants to be touched, something changed. We were talking about kissing, and she laughed and said I don’t know how to make out, and that I haven’t made out since the ’90s.

I initially laughed, but then I got it. She’s right. Since I’ve started having sex, I’ve stopped investing in my smooching.

Once that penny dropped, I knew it was time to change. I decided to put my ego aside and try to explore kissing from her perspective. I took upon myself a new challenge. I decided I would........

© Psychology Today