Having just laid down their bayonets in the Long Room at Lord’s, the members are now fixing them again, eyes spinning, tufts of hair standing on end, shouting: “Damned if they’re going to Jonny us again.”

This is because of the latest Antipodean affront to their sovereignty and sangfroid. A certain Hazlewood JR has suggested that Australia could manoeuvre to have a lesser scale of victory over the makeweight Scotland in the T20 World Cup on Sunday, with the consequence that England would be nudged out of the tournament on net run rate.

Josh Hazlewood makes his point.Credit: Getty Images

“In this tournament, you potentially come up against England at some stage again, and they’re probably one of the top few teams on their day,” Hazlewood said.

“We’ve had some real struggles against them in T20 cricket. So if we can get them out of the tournament, that’s in our best interest as well as probably everyone else. It’ll be interesting to see.”

This, of course, is both morally and statutorily murky territory. Rule books have been brandished, brandies too. The indictments are being drawn up as you read. The spirit of cricket is being defiled again; make........

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