When a grenade shredded his leg during a hostage rescue mission in Gaza, Israeli soldier Barak wanted to shoot himself to avoid being taken captive by Palestinian militants.

But it's the sound of the grenade exploding that haunts him months later.

"The grenade blew up right next to me," the 32-year-old from the northern Israeli town of Acre told AFP.

Barak, who did not wish to disclose his last name to maintain his privacy, was wounded in December in the central Gaza Strip, and has spent the last seven months recovering in hospital.

Like many Israeli soldiers who fought in Gaza, he has been battling physical ailments as much as psychological ones, all of which he traces back to that moment.

"It's all about this big boom that takes you... from being completely sharp... to being all broken and about to die," he told AFP.

"You hear it, you smell it with the lead," he said, describing regular nightmares afterwards.

He too threw a grenade at the Palestinian fighters who were shooting at him.

It was at that point Barak, a tech entrepreneur until October 7, thought of shooting himself.

"I was trying to reach for my pistol... in order to shoot myself because all I had in mind at that point........

© Al Monitor