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How to Tell If Talking Behind Someone's Back Is Helpful or Hurtful

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29.04.2024

When two people share information about another who has not given permission for that to happen, they are entering into a triangle with only two sides connected. Whether the people participating in that tryst are sharing a plot to deceive, or a well-intentioned plan to help, they are purposefully excluding the person whose life they are talking about.

Most people think of these conspiratorial processes as negative betrayals of the excluded partner and would never want to be the person talked about. Yet, in some cases, they can be helpful—for example, a person needing perspective from a trusted confidante or a therapist when in a dilemma, hoping to gain perspective and comfort. Another example might be calling a partner’s doctor to inform them of critical information they may not have that would positively change the treatment process.

Sadly though, many conspiracies are, in fact, more harmful to the excluded party. This might be sharing a friend’s romantic tryst, when the now co-conspirator knows that person, or telling another’s sacred secret to someone who passes it on. And once betrayed information is out, it can go anywhere, unbridled. And often it does.

If you are, right now, feeling uncomfortable remembering participating in a conspiracy, please do not judge yourself. Everyone I’ve ever known has found themselves involved in these betrayals at times in their lives, even if by passive acquiescence. What’s important is, armed with more understanding, how you might........

© Psychology Today


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