menu_open Columnists
We use cookies to provide some features and experiences in QOSHE

More information  .  Close

How to Spot an Exploitative Dater

58 0
04.08.2026

The Science of Mating

Take our Are You a Good First Date?

Find a therapist near me

Many women are finding themselves in dating relationships with unavailable and careless men.

Exploitive daters, colloquially called "f*ckboys," are emotionally immature and display entitled behavior.

These individuals tend to be self-focused, inconsistent, low-effort, and unable to take responsibility.

It's time to date with intention and seek connection with men who are ready and desire the same thing.

I see this all the time in my practice: dynamic women—smart, kind, funny, ambitious, deep, thoughtful, creative, conscientious, and beautiful—becoming entrapped in dating relationships with men who are low-effort and completely unavailable. These are exploitative daters, perhaps more commonly known as "f*ckboys."

Exploitative daters are emotionally immature, and many tend to operate from misogynistic beliefs and values. Yes, they may like you and/or find you attractive. But they don't take you seriously and exploit your patience, kindness, empathy, and understanding.

Despite what they may communicate, these men are typically not seeking a long-term, meaningful connection and are often careless when it comes to dating. Based on what I see over and over again in my practice, I've outlined six common patterns of behavior below.

Patterns of Behavior of an Exploitative Dater

Inconsistent communication and level of engagement: Sometimes they text or call. Sometimes they don’t. Sometimes you’ll see them more than once in one week, other times you are waiting weeks before the next date or hang. Sometimes........

© Psychology Today