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3 Unexpected Signs You Have High Emotional Intelligence

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No matter how smart or educated someone is, they likely have little formal training in managing their emotions. We learn many things, but not that.

And it's often the people we love the most and want to hurt the least that bear the brunt of our inability to handle our emotions. Emotional maturity is key to successful relationships both at home and at work. Here are three ways to assess whether you’re on the path to emotional maturity and sovereignty:

One of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is the ability to take full responsibility for your emotions. This means not blaming others or external circumstances for how you feel. It requires being radically honest with yourself and understanding that your emotions are yours to process—not someone else’s fault.

Consider Mark, who I interviewed for my book, Sovereign, on the topic of emotional sovereignty. After the death of his mother at a young age, Mark turned to alcohol to cope with his grief. Over time, he became an alcoholic. When he finally got sober, he still struggled with emotional baggage—anger, resentment, and self-pity that had never been processed.

Mark learned the hard way that emotional maturity isn’t just about abstaining from destructive behaviors like drinking—it’s about owning your feelings. As Mark puts it, "If I get angry at someone, it’s not their fault. I’m the one experiencing anger. I play a role in that. Just because I meditate doesn’t mean I can act like a jerk, yell, and scream. I have to clean up my side of the street. I’m responsible for my emotions, thoughts, speech, actions—everything."

If you find yourself blaming others for your emotional state, it might be an invitation to think more deeply about ways you can take responsibility for your feelings. This isn't about letting the person who made you angry off the hook—especially if they are abusive or truly obnoxious, but it does allow you to process your emotions so you can take action from a place of poise and balance. You'll own your side and be able to take action as needed from a place of greater empowerment and sovereignty.

The second key indicator of emotional intelligence is self-awareness—the ability to observe your emotions without getting swept away by them. This is where meditation can make a profound difference.

Meditation is a proven tool for increasing self-awareness. Studies show that regular meditation increases brain volume and strengthens areas of the brain responsible for self-control, emotional regulation, and awareness. This doesn’t........

© Psychology Today


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