In the world of kink and BDSM (a compound acronym describing practices of bondage, discipline, submission, sadomasochism, and other related power-exchange activities), aftercare is an intentional part of engaging in a consensual “scene” with a partner. Aftercare is generally negotiated in advance of the activity, with the submissive partner identifying to the person taking on a dominant role, exactly the kinds of caregiving, nurturing, or cuddling the submissive person needs after the mutual activity, in order “to come down.”

So, the one partner might describe, “After the scene, I’m usually almost nonverbal, unable to talk clearly, so I really need you to just hold me, tell me I did good, and not expect me to do anything requiring thinking for at least an hour.” Aftercare is a practice that evolved in the intense world of BDSM, in order to center the experience on the person taking a bottom, or submissive role, and to ensure that the entire arc of the experience is intentionally crafted to ensure a positive experience.

Because such behaviors can often involve extremely elevated feelings such as fear, lack of control, and pain, effective aftercare is taught as a process to assist a partner with re-establishing a sense of calm, peace, and safety. Aftercare can be a time to discuss what aspects of the encounter were pleasurable, and to identify any miscommunications or missed opportunities. In sexual communication educational strategies, sexual partners are encouraged to discuss their desired forms of aftercare, prior to engaging in sexual behaviors. Aftercare is intended to facilitate a positive, consensual sexual encounter, from start to finish. Engaging in aftercare serves as a sign of compliance and follow-through with previously established boundaries, maintenance of consent, and positive regard for a partner’s well-being.

Interestingly, aftercare appears to do something else as well, cementing a foundation of consent regarding the experience, from start to finish.........

© Psychology Today