Some parents think that raising their children to be resilient means trying to instill their confidence. They think that the way to do this is to say after everything their child does: “Good job, Buddy!”

Other parents, often Dads, (sorry, Dads) think that raising resilient children means telling children to “shake it off” when they fall or miss a goal in a soccer game. They often believe that it is better if their children avoid crying, or focus on their disappointments and hurts.

Lucy Hones, Ph.D., studied resilience at the University of Pennsylvania and then at the University of Christ Church in New Zealand. She found that resilient people are different from others in three main ways. Perhaps, we can help our children to become more resilient by adopting some of the strategies that are used by resilient people.

First, Hones says, the resilient know that suffering is part of life, which helps them to accept negative events when they happen without feeling victimized. When it comes to children, it is important for parents neither to protect them from every scrape or disappointment nor discourage their children from feeling their feelings about getting hurt or disappointed.

What parents can do instead, is to help children to understand that difficult things happen in life, they won’t always succeed, and they will sometimes fall and get hurt. And when they are disappointed or hurt, it is painful. Parents can also help children learn that they can withstand disappointment and move on........

© Psychology Today