There is a difference between being satisfied in a relationship versus simply settling. Some may not realize they are settling in a relationship, especially if they are unaware of their own motivations for choosing that person. It is common to see someone “settling” in a relationship where they may dismiss their partner’s behavior, give more than they get in return, or “settle” out of obligation or financial reasons, or in some instances out of self-sabotage.

Many people come to therapy because they feel “stuck,” “numb,” or are experiencing dissatisfaction in their romantic relationship while internalizing it as something being “wrong” with themselves. Some feel ashamed for feeling unhappy, while others are not sure when their feelings of indifference started, or why.

The reality is, “settling” in a relationship is based on two common patterns. On one hand, a person either impulsively chooses someone for the wrong reasons such as impulsively jumping into a relationship to prevent being alone. On the other hand, “settling” may happen more gradually when one or both partners start to change and grow apart without officially ending the relationship. In either situation, the end result is that a person feels “trapped,” “empty,” disillusioned, and unsatisfied in their lives.

Below are eight common signs of having “settled” in a relationship and the underlying core wounds that may be guiding this pattern.

If a person feels emotionally numb or indifferent towards their partner or their relationship, this often stems from a lack of emotional connection, or they may be struggling with unresolved trauma or a mental health condition. Feeling "numb" can operate as an adaptive coping mechanism for some things such as when experiencing an acute traumatic event. However, chronic feelings of numbness in a........

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