When I grew up and moved out of my parents’ home, my mother left my father. She didn’t leave, leave him—they were still happily married—but she moved out of their room and slept in my old bedroom for the rest of her life. My dad was a champion snorer and my mom had insomnia and would listen to the news all night on her transistor radio. It was a perfect solution to a sleep mismatch and we didn’t give it a second thought.

Now, we’re hearing about the sleep divorce, when a couple sleeps in separate bedrooms; there’s a lot of discussion about whether it’s bad for the relationship or even perhaps a sign that a real divorce is coming.

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