Falling short of expectations can lead people to become anxious, depressed, lose motivation, or to develop feelings of decreased self-worth or helplessness. My work with patients demonstrates many examples of such situations:

In each of these cases, negative self-judgement leads to poorer mental health. Thus, it is important to emphasize that such harmful self-judgement should be avoided. Instead, there are solutions that can be employed to help people avoid or get past their disappointment when they fail to achieve their goals.

The Buddha (circa 500 BC) taught that the cause of all suffering was desire. In each case described above, a particular outcome was desired: A good grade, a championship, a good relationship, or a child’s good behavior. The thought process that occurred when the desired expectation was not achieved led to mental........

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