Whether there simply wasn’t enough love available during childhood, or you witnessed one parent needing the other, or you didn’t believe you deserved love, many intimate relationships have one person settling for being needed. I’m not sure if it happens with some awareness or is a completely unconscious dynamic. It may be that there is some inherent confusion about the difference between being needed and being loved. They certainly are not mutually exclusive. That is, someone could be both needed and loved. However, my professional experience reveals that being needed is the predominant pattern, and it actually replaces being loved.

Let’s examine some salient distinctions contrasting these two ways of relating more closely. Our exploration will focus on the person in the role of being needed or loved rather than on the person doing the needing or loving.

Being Needed - When we are needed, there is an implication that we must prove that we are a worthy resource. This can be riddled with anxiety as we worry if we have all the right stuff, and it can be exhausting.

Being Loved – When we are authentically loved, we should not need to demonstrate that we have the right stuff. Instead, there should........

© Psychology Today