Among the factors that can influence how satisfied partners are with their relationship, it is essential that they are able to manage challenges from inside their relationship (e.g., differences in their temperaments) and from outside (e.g., financial stressors). Couples who are raising children require the ability to collaborate well in handling a variety of challenges, both common and relatively predictable (e.g., infant sleep difficulties) and non-normative (e.g., an adolescent with behavior problems at school). Consequently, in our new book on couple therapy, my colleague Dr. Mariana Falconier and I (Epstein & Falconier, 2024) feature co-parenting as one of the concerns that couples commonly bring to therapy. The quality of co-parenting not only affects the couple, but it also influences the well-being of their children (Murphy, Jacobvitz, & Hazen, 2016).

The term co-parenting often has been used to refer to parenting by members of a separated or divorced couple, who must navigate the challenges of collaborating in creating a secure environment for children even when they have ended their couple relationship, sometimes with ongoing conflict. Resources for those couples include self-help books available at booksellers, as well as consultation with therapists who specialize in post-divorce parenting. However, co-parenting issues can also arise in intact couples, even those whose relationships are satisfying overall. Any overall relationship conflict can interfere with co-parenting, and in turn, conflict regarding co-parenting can contribute to general relationship distress.

Thus, it is important for members of a couple to be aware of any difficulties they are experiencing with co-parenting and to develop collaborative skills as needed. Co-parenting also may involve two people who are not in a couple relationship, for example, a parent and grandparent (McHale & Lindahl, 2011). Although some co-parenting relationship dynamics may differ in those other dyads, we find that the processes involved in improving co-parenting often are similar. In three-generation households in which grandparents are involved in childrearing, conflicts between them and a child’s parents may be influenced by longstanding generational issues (e.g., a power struggle between a grandparent and their adult child) that need attention.

Among the many self-help books on parenting, as well as online and in-person educational programs, the main focus tends to be on how an individual parent can improve their knowledge of child development, as well as skills for communicating effectively with children and effective child behavior management. There commonly is less attention in such books and programs to ways in which members of a couple (or other parenting dyad) can work........

© Psychology Today