“I don’t like that outfit.”
“Turn down that terrible music.”
“You did not do this assignment well.”
“I really hate it when you do that.”
“This is the wrong road to take.”

If you’re like me, you won’t enjoy hearing any of the above remarks—from your partner, boss, or children. No one ever really wants to hear direct criticism, but difficult truths still need to be communicated. Mistakes happen; people close to you may take wrong turns, make unexpected clothing choices, and play music you don’t enjoy.

Life is full of unavoidable little conflicts that get on our nerves and chip away at our good moods. Usually, though, there is a way to speak up and address them without making things worse.

The most important thing to understand about criticism is that the offense it provokes generally doesn’t arise from the substance of what you’re saying but from how you’ve said it. Think about it: Aren’t most people reasonably able to understand that they’ve made a mistake or chosen an outfit that not everyone will appreciate? Remember what it felt like when you were a student, and your teacher explained that you’d made a mistake in your work but could easily be fixed—would that have been so difficult to hear?

The real issue, then, isn’t the content but the form. And........

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