Coauthored with Christine Cocchiolla, DSW, Coercive Control Educator, Researcher and Survivor

Reunification therapy sounds like a good idea—to repair a relationship between a parent and an estranged child. The courts often impose this form of “therapy” on children who do not want to reunite with a parent. Courts even force children into reunification therapy with a parent who they say has abused them (Dallam & Silberg, 2016).

Supporters of these therapies would have us believe that all children who reject a parent have been indoctrinated to do so by the other parent through parental alienation (Shaw, 2016). Domestic abusers weaponize these seemingly benign therapies to force contact with children they have terrified. Here is an example:

Since her birth, Ted has paid little attention to his daughter, Sandy. He was busy with work, going out with friends, porn, and video games. Sandy’s mother, Becca, cared for Sandy and made sure she had what she needed.

But sometimes, when Ted came home drunk, he scared Sandy. Ted would stomp around, slam doors, and threaten her mother, Becca. He would back Becca against a wall while cursing and yelling in her face. Becca sometimes hid with Sandy in the bathroom during these outbursts, with Ted banging on the door. Afterward, Becca assured Sandy that everything would be okay and that “Daddy just had a hard day.”

Ted’s angry explosions worsened over time. One day, he threw Becca against a wall. A neighbor called the police. The officer was clear: “I’m calling protective services. You end your relationship and protect your child, or your child’s going to end up in foster care.” Becca packed their clothes and took Sandy with her to Becca’s parents’ house that very day.

Sandy felt safe for the first time, living apart from her father. She didn't want to talk to him on the phone. Temporary court orders awarded Ted three evenings a week of unsupervised parenting time. Sandy cried and said she felt sick in the mornings when her father was going to pick her up after school. Sandy begged her mother not to make her go. Ted asked the judge to compel Sandy to engage in “reunification therapy” with him. He hinted........

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