Imagine believing that a small flaw will create the most catastrophic outcome. Also, imagine believing that only the apparently perfect are worthy of love.

While most of us can become defensive from time to time, meaning we fail to consider the validity of someone else's criticism of us and instead jump to attacking it, perfectionists, who tend to catastrophize (i.e., believe they'll cause the worst possible outcomes), engage in this protective strategy regularly; they're chronically defensive. Their spouses, friends, and colleagues are often left frustrated, wondering why someone they love repeatedly fails to take any responsibility for their mistakes. Understanding the perfectionist's intentions here may be helpful, to everyone involved.

Perfectionists tend to be highly self-protective, meaning that so much of their lives are spent considering how to keep themselves safe from emotional and physical harms. Therefore, and often much to their surprise, they miss the extent of their collateral damage, the casualties of their own assaults. Defensiveness is a misnomer, and in its chronic form,........

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