We spend a great deal of time discussing what women and men need in the bedroom. However, much of that talk has to do with physical needs. In the 80s, research showed that, while men often preferred the act of sex, women often preferred foreplay and afterplay (Denney, Field, & Quadagno, 1984). In other words, men only needed the main course while women needed appetizers, bread, and dessert.

We have been socialized to understand that women connect to the intimate moment in their minds well before they enter the bedroom. And, in heterosexual relationships, we expect men to honor this. However, we don’t spend a lot of time talking about what men need in the bedroom, likely because of the patriarchy under which we live.

Patriarchy is a system where men hold the power, privilege, and protection, and women are excluded from it. What does patriarchy look like in........

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