In my previous post, I set out two features of gaslighting that are essential to its meaning. The first is the exploitation of the victim’s acceptance of fallibility—the normal and healthy acknowledgment that it is possible to be mistaken—and transform it into global self-doubt—a state in which the victim does not trust their own experience and memory as sources of knowledge about themselves and the world. The second is a coercive narration whereby the gaslighter both takes on the role of expert interpreter of some important aspects of the victim’s world and threatens (or delivers) a variety of punishments if the victim resists their interpretation. [1]

Many gaslighters know they are inflicting a false story on their victim, but some genuinely believe their version. And sometimes, in some respects, the gaslighter’s interpretation is valid, but the rigidity and coerciveness—along with threats of punishment if their view is not accepted—constitute gaslighting.

A parent who gaslights a child, a peer who gaslights a friend, a partner who gaslights a love, all present the victim with the dilemma: "Accept my version of you and the world or suffer my disapproval/derision/rejection." In some cases, this can lead to retaliation: "If you are going to be this way, then I won’t do anything for you." When the victim resists or leaves, the gaslighter tries to increase their control and undermine other supports by demeaning the victim to others,........

© Psychology Today