The inner critic is a scolding voice in our head that hurls “can'ts” and “shoulds” at us: “You can't go.” “You can't make it alone.” “You should stay put.” The inner critic is a mindset, usually from the past — something we learned, not something we were born with. It is an echo from people and institutions who judged us in the course of our lives. They include family, peers, religion, school, and society. It is now internalized and part of our mental apparatus. Most of us have internalized some shaming messages from our past.

The “inner critic” most often has the voice of the scolding parent. This voice takes on a life of its own in us. We think we are hearing our own accurate assessment of ourselves. But we are actually listening to a skilled ventriloquist. Yet, there is good news. Since the critic now exists only in our heads, we can change the message we hear. We can input the voice of a nurturing parent or kindly coach, one who says what encourages us and bolsters our

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