Emotional maturity is often seen as the gold standard of psychological health. If an individual understands their feelings, if they can name them upon reflection and regulate them at will, and communicate calmly with composure, they’re often labelled as the ideal partner.

Yet, for many people, emotional maturity does not automatically translate into emotional intimacy. In fact, some people develop impressive emotional skills precisely as a way to avoid the vulnerability that intimacy requires. Here are three signs that someone can be emotionally mature on the surface, but still psychologically guarded when it comes to real closeness.

Emotionally mature people, understandably, tend to have a rich emotional vocabulary. They can articulate how they feel, explain their reactions, and reflect on their inner experiences with ease. But intimacy requires more than naming emotions; it requires emotional exposure.

In a 2022 controlled experimental study, participants who disclosed emotions in addition to personal factual information were rated as eliciting greater interpersonal closeness than when they shared personal facts alone.

In other words, self-disclosure predicts intimacy only when it includes personal risk and emotional openness. Simply talking about feelings is not enough if the disclosure is carefully managed or emotionally contained.

People who avoid intimacy often share selectively.........

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