Many of us have someone in our lives whose choices or behaviors spark concern. Maybe a friend seems withdrawn, a colleague has started showing irritability, or a loved one is struggling with patterns of anger or substance use.

Sometimes our concern takes the form of compassion, but other times it’s compassion disguised as control, a way to soothe our own anxiety: If they are okay, then I can be okay. Our instincts often push us to step in, advise, or try to “fix” the situation. And yet, as well-meaning as this is, overstepping can do more harm than good, both for the person we’re trying to help and for ourselves.

Caring about someone doesn’t mean taking ownership of their struggles. It’s easy to project our own values onto their choices or assume responsibility for outcomes that aren’t ours to control. When we fall into this pattern, we risk becoming what I call a “serial fixer,” constantly intervening, guiding, or pushing, often out........

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