How Can I Manage My Anger?

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Anger is often anxious loops in disguise.

Defiance is often avoidance of anxiety-related triggers.

"Negative attitude" is often feeling stuck.

When a child snaps, argues, shuts down, or erupts over something small, parents who reach out to me have previously landed on a familiar explanation and conclusion. They say, "They have an anger problem." Granted, it certainly looks that way from the outside. But in my work with children—and in consulting with parents—I've found that anger is often the most misleading label we can use.

Because in many cases, anger is not the core issue. It's just the surface expression of something more vulnerable and less visible, as illustrated in the following examples (names have been changed to protect privacy).

When Panic Lies Under Defiance

Take Everett, a........

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