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Overthinking gets louder in isolation.

Connections with others—even passive ones—quiet our mental loops.

The very nature of being around others pulls you back into action, which breaks the shackles of overthinking.

Most people assume that overthinking is about thinking too much. They are not wrong for thinking this, but they are not completely right. It's really about too much thinking—when they are alone. When you are by yourself, your brain has no external reference point. Being alone offers you no reality check, no need to emotionally calibrate yourself, and no interruptions from your looping thoughts.

So those loops set in in many ways. Here are some of the top-performing mental tsunamis that spiral in our minds: "What if I mess this up?" Or, "What if they start to no longer respect me?" Or, "What if this goes badly?" And, you know the unfair mental deal from here, right? Without interrupting these thoughts, they will likely just intensify. Welcome to your world of overthinking. This term, "overthinking," is not "fluff"; it is a serious problem for all of us, and it is grounded in neuroscience.

Let's now look at three ways that being around people, which I often refer to with the social psychology term "social buffering," helps you break free of overthinking.

1. Mental Loops Are Loud, but Seeing Other People Interrupts the Loop

We all know that when you get caught up in one of those mental loops, trying to think your way out of it is like trying to frantically swim your way out of quicksand—the only place you're going is down. "Why", you may ask? Because your brain is already in an active threat-sensitive state. More thinking just adds more fuel. But when you are around other people, especially when they are relatively calm, that does something that is hard to do when you are alone. It interrupts the maddening thought loop. Maybe a conversation shifts your attention, or a calm vibe from others regulates your nervous system.

This is why I frequently walk through thriving shopping malls. Those masses of people I see, through social buffering, help me break free from challenging ruminations best reflected by Henry David Thoreau's quote, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation." By the way, adjusting that quote to be more inclusive: Women and anyone with alternative gender-identifying leanings all fall prey to overthinking as well.

2. Being Alone Makes Problems Feel Bigger and Being Around Others Shrinks Their Size

Overthinking loves to magnify our small issues and make them catastrophic scenarios or even looming disasters. But in the presence of others, something changes. Connections to others, even if it's just being in the presence of others, which again is social buffering, make our problems feel smaller.

This is because being around others widens our perspective. Think of it this way: When you are isolated, your self-talk is ruled by "This is everything." But, when around others and feeling some sense of connection to these other humans in your visual field, you shift to thinking about your problems as "Yes, this is something for me to contend with, but it is not all that I have to end with." Essentially, seeing other people milling about reminds you that your looping thoughts are not harsh truths or even guilty verdicts about you; you realize you are not alone in the struggle we call being human.

3. Overthinking Thrives on Inaction, but Being Around Others Is "Doing."

Overthinking thrives on hesitation, second-guessing, and mental stagnation. As I describe in my book, Freeing Your Child From Overthinking, we need to be mindset mentors and guide our children (ages 4 to 44) to engage the outer world so they can escape those maddening inner thought loops. Connection disrupts our thought loops because the very nature of being around others gets us back into a state of engagement.

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In my work with clients and in my book, I describe the PACE model. P is for pause (such as taking a calm, gentle breath). A is for acknowledging ("Hey, self, I'm overthinking right now"). C is for contain, which means, "I don't have to solve all of this at this time." And E reflects engagement, which means taking steps to move forward, even if that feels somewhat uncomfortable. So, if you happen to see me walking at your local mall, just know that I am social buffering and PACE—ing my way out of overthinking.

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