I have two choices when life pummels me in the head with lemons on a Monday morning — all before 8 am.

I can weep and moan about how hard and sour they are, how today sucks and life isn’t faaaaiiiiirrrrr…

Or I can slice them up, add a little salt, and do tequila shots.

I considered option A. After all, I do like a good cry from time to time…

But the sky is blue and the sun is out so I’m pivoting — and besides, you all know how I feel about a good drink — so I’m turning this shtshow of a morning into a story for your entertainment.

Bring tequila if you want. Or we can make lemonade, if that’s your thing:

My morning was meant to begin with a steaming hot shower.

I stood under the tap, coconut hair mask already in, poised for steam and soap and five minutes of something resembling a spa day.

But instead: a hiss of forlorn air.

The water was shut off last night in our pocket of the Old City.

I heard about it. I meant to write that down. SPOILER: I never write things down.

Which means no shower. No water for the kettle. No coffee.

And then — at 6:43 a.m. — a WhatsApp message:

“Don’t forget to bring the cake to gan for your son’s birthday!”

Fck the party hat emoji.

I swear the gan birthday was tomorrow.

Except tomorrow is Lag BaOmer.

So… wasnt it Wednesday?

I check the calendar, which — believe you me — is an act of........

© The Times of Israel (Blogs)