A psychiatric unit is critical and essential when someone is so ill that they are not safe from themselves, and I am thankful that I was able to stay in one during the height of my acute psychotic episodes. Being there saved me from making costly mistakes when I had absolutely no control over my judgment and poor decision-making, and was caught up in a completely delusional reality. I was also safe from getting hurt or killed. It provided a location for medical care where I received antipsychotics that would stabilize me. So, in that sense, I am very thankful.

My experiences there were also very emotional and, at times, painful and traumatizing. My experiences there all occurred through the lens of a completely different reality my brain created, yet this reality clashed with everyone around me. Living in a different reality with terrifying delusions and hallucinations, especially when medical professionals have to confront you in order for you to receive treatment, can be very difficult. Some people don’t remember their inpatient stay, but I remember everything, just as I do any other event in my life. So, I must process and come to terms with experiences that not many share or talk about.

I think the first time I was admitted through the ER, I was too psychotic to grasp where I was going or have a specific reaction or emotion about it. It was when I left the unit and came home that the shame, guilt, and residual trauma about the experience set in. It’s painful in the sense that the people in the unit see you on the worst days of your life, the days where you are........

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