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Myths of therapy producing self-obsessed people still exist.

Psychological symptoms tend to narrow one's life focus internally.

Treating symptoms can free a person from narrow self-focus and make others more interesting.

Upon first glance, therapy often seems like an exercise in intensive self-inspection, introspection, and even indulgent navel gazing. It is sometimes dismissed as a luxury or life "extra," like a spa day or a massage. A nice-to-have, not a need-to-have, in the general world of wellness and self-care. At worst, it is thought of as a narcissistic enterprise that merely strengthens the ego or self-concept. It might make us smugly secure in ourselves as our therapist symbolically "high-fives" our goals, attributes, and achievements to date.

There is probably some truth in these claims, and clinical training warned against benign therapy: therapy that merely flatters the client’s ego and does not challenge or question certain patient narratives or worldviews. Ironically, this form may be most evident in certain AI bots like ChatGPT and their overly sycophantic design structure.

Clinical Symptoms as Narcissistically Oriented

In most clinical cases, however, it is the symptoms we experience that are self-indulgent and "me-oriented." When we are gripped by mild or major symptoms, we often have little grander perceptive on things and are locked into a narrow and deeply personalistic gaze.

A panic attack forces us dramatically inwards—into our racing thoughts or somatic feelings. When we are gripped by such strong symptoms, all we can think about is our embodied distress—we are too much in ourselves. It can feel psychologically claustrophobic. It is this intensity of self-inwardness that can lead to violent self-harm, like cutting, as a way to try and symbolically and literally escape from the pain of interiority.

Treatment here, in a therapeutic setting, often involves the very opposite of navel-gazing. We are encouraged via mindfulness to take notice of the world—the sky, birds, moving clouds. We may distract ourselves with music, an activity with others, or listen to a guided meditation. Therapy here is a way of bringing us out of ourselves, the heretic cage of our psyches, and back in touch, often literally, with grass, objects, and other people. It can be a lifeline back to the world.

Even milder fixations or presenting issues narrow our focus onto ourselves. Think about a career anxiety, a preoccupation with a family member, or a lingering regret. We may replay memories and images of past experiences related to ourselves. These fixations often come at the expense of the present—of being able to take notice of what is in front of us. They can rid themselves of the power of surprise and novelty as we remain trapped in a stubborn filter of reality rooted in past triggers, past versions of ourselves.

Finding Interest in the World and Others

Good therapy can free us from ourselves, from past experiences or previous notions of the world that impede our ability to be present or move forward. Freud famously talked about the cure as being able to return to the simple joys of love and work: an ordinary unhappiness. To someone trapped by recurrent neuroses, it is like the world is an extension of our anxiety or depression. It filters everything through this lens, and some people speak of losing their sense of colour, taste, or seasoning for the greyness of life. Excessive symptomology, like addiction, makes the world a boring place.

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Managing and weakening the hold that symptoms have on us—addiction, anxiety, simmering resentments—returns the world to its rightful empirical place as something interesting. People, animals, societies, and cultures are, without a doubt, fascinating. Enough to hold our attention and motivate interest in this life. Anxious or depressed feelings rob us of that objectivity as they imprison us in our minds.

Therapy is thus an ironic or contradictory exercise when carried through to success. The more we attend to our symptoms, the less we are held captive by them, and the more we can return our attention to others and the world. Our preoccupations become less interesting, and we may have more bandwidth for others. Our parents’ stories are more compelling, a movie more fascinating, and a walk in the park can yield surprises.

Played out even further, of course, therapy makes itself redundant. When we treat the symptoms, we lose the need to focus on ourselves in therapy and make our way back into the world. A successful therapy, therefore, is not one that cloisters us within ourselves, creating self entitled narcissist. Rather, successful therapy opens new mental space for the reception of the novelties of reality that are indeed marvellous and surprising.

To find a therapist, visit the Psychology Today Therapy Directory.

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