The Fundamentals of Sex

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Maternal sexuality has been vilified for centuries, and these narratives persist in modern media.

Mothers carry the load of society, but we deny them access to their full sexuality.

The cost of this "Madonna-Slut" binary is borne by women and society in general.

As a relationship scientist and sexual wellness coach, I have interviewed hundreds of women in their 40s and 50s who say they’ve never fully expressed themselves sexually, especially once they became moms. It was never a priority.

Some of them, despite being in long-term marriages, say they’ve never had a completely satisfying orgasm. Many are ashamed of their bodies, but don't feel like they have the luxury of tending to them.

Like so much of a woman's identity, after having children, her sexuality also becomes "in service of" something else—the partner, the unit, society. It is no longer hers to wield for her own well-being or pleasure.

The power of women to create and sustain life is undeniable—and for that very reason, societies have repeatedly sought to control it. One of the most effective ways to do that is to sever women from their sexuality.

Women who remain sexually expressive or autonomous have historically been pushed to the margins, labeled immoral, dangerous, or undesirable. Over time, this stigma became so deeply ingrained that even women themselves began policing and shaming other women for embodying sexual power. Today, we call this “slut-shaming,” and sadly, mothers are........

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