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I remember being a child, calling my parents from the nurse’s office at various places, such as summer camps and religious school. I would be holding my stomach in pain, needing to be picked up. Looking back, especially with the current lens of an experienced and licensed child and teen therapist, I would have diagnosed this as an anxiety disorder. I do not think I even knew what the word anxiety meant as a kid, but I definitely knew what it felt like. I was always worried about something bad happening, sleeping alone at night, and what others thought of me. I was a happy kid, but I constantly had worries running through my brain. Now, in my clinical work, I strive to be the therapist that younger me needed.

In the present day, I also love making social media content about different mental health challenges that children face, so that parents can learn how to support their children with what they are going through. I just finished my TikTok series called “All Out Anxiety”- which consists of 10 episodes all about anxiety. The first half of the episodes are centered on the neuroscience of anxiety and how anxious thought loops get reinforced. The second half of the series focuses on practical strategies for parents to use with their children facing anxiety

So, let me start by addressing what anxiety is. Clinically, anxiety is defined as “a future- oriented mood state that is linked to the preparation for potential future negative events, in which fear is an alarm reaction to real or perceived danger (Craske et al., 2011).

Research shows that 11% of children, ages 3-17 in the USA, meet the diagnostic criteria for an anxiety disorder (CDC, 2025). An important clinical distinction between day-to-day anxiety and an anxiety disorder is that people who experience an anxiety disorder tend to “overestimate the dangerousness of a specific event, and have consistent worries that impact daily functioning for 6 months or more” (Stein et al. 2015). One thing I like to emphasize with my clients is that anxiety overestimates the threat and underestimates their own ability to handle the threat at hand.

This “threat” could range from public speaking, sleeping alone at night, or going to try a new sports team, etc. Let’s say the client fears public speaking, especially when they have to present in their classrooms. They find out about a class presentation, and have some sort of intrusive thought like, “What if I mess up and stumble over my words, and everyone laughs at me.” Then, this worry feels so real to them, that they begin to expand on it and get completely worked up about all of the worst-case scenarios about this presentation.

Then, on the day of the presentation, your child pretends they are sick and avoids going to school so they can skip the presentation. They miss the presentation, and they feel temporary relief. This is referred to as “avoidance, which actually leads to the maintenance of anxiety disorders” (Hoffman & Hay, 2016). The more we avoid situations that make us feel threatened, the more our brain learns that this situation is, in fact, dangerous, therefore leading to more avoidance in the future.

Another important component of anxiety is the “fight, flight, or freeze response.” This response is activated when we, as humans, experience either real or perceived stress. It is extremely important that we are born with this innate system to cope with real danger, but this response becomes unhelpful when there is no immediate danger ahead. In a non-dangerous situation, fight mode may look like your child arguing with you or being defensive when they are stressed/anxious. Freeze mode may look like shutting down, not talking, and zoning out when they are stressed. Finally, flight mode may look like running away when stressed, avoiding the situation, and asking for constant reassurance to escape the feeling of being anxious (Roelofs et al., 2017).

When I was a child, I definitely opted for flight mode. I was always trying to escape situations that made me anxious. I remember that being at religious school made me anxious, because I felt uncomfortable with the people in my class (I wanted to please them and fit in with them). Almost every time I raised my hand, I asked to go to the nurse’s office and to have them call my mom. My stomach hurt, which I had no idea at the time was correlated with my high anxiety. My mom would pick me up, and I would go home. When we are stressed or anxious, some of the stress hormones released by our parasympathetic nervous system go into our digestive tract, which can cause somatic symptoms like stomach aches (Goodman, 2018). I would always try to get out of the feeling of anxiety, instead of riding the wave, which I encourage children and teens in my practice to do.

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Find a therapist to overcome anxiety

Something I highlight now is the 90-second rule. Research shows that an emotion only lasts in our body for about 60-90 seconds, but it is our reaction and the attention we give it, as well as how we engage with the emotion, that make it last longer. (Robinson, 2020). If we experience an intrusive thought that causes us to become anxious, and we actively engage with it, our stress hormones will continue to pump out. But, if we teach ourselves how to filter out these anxious thoughts and distinguish them from our real and authentic selves, we can figure out which thoughts we do not need to further engage with. This takes time and practice, but knowing that our brains are malleable and can adapt based on the way we think is so important! The more we practice mindfulness and know which thoughts to engage with and which ones to let pass, the more we can truly change the way we respond to anxiety.

It's important that parents understand that they do not need to fix all of their child’s problems. Of course, it is uncomfortable to see our children suffer from anxiety. We want to help them get out of the feeling, escape it, and fix their problem. When we say “No, you do not need to worry about that!” we are giving them reassurance, but not helping them face the fear they are experiencing. The gold standard for treating anxiety disorders in children and teens is cognitive behavioral therapy, which focuses on helping clients towards mindfulness and gradual exposure to feared situations (Wood et al., 2006). It's important for parents to help their children sit with uncomfortable feelings, instead of fixing them. We ultimately want our children to learn how to face fears themselves.

In my work, I strive to be the therapist that I wish I had when I was a child. I wish that I had someone outside of my family and friends to talk to about my worries, and who would help me to feel understood and seen. I feel that anxiety is on the rise, and all I want to do is spread information to educators and parents so that they can learn how to best support the youth in their lives. I know we can face our fears and not live in the worries our minds create.

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2025, June 5). Data and statistics on children’s mental health. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.cdc.gov/children-mental-health/data-research/index.html

Craske, M. G., Rauch, S. L., Ursano, R., Prenoveau, J., Pine, D. S., & Zinbarg, R. E. (2011). What is an anxiety disorder?. Focus, 9(3), 369-388.

Goodman, K. (2018, July 19). How to calm an anxious stomach: The brain-gut connection. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. https://adaa.org/learn-from-us/from-the-experts/blog-posts/consumer/how-calm-anxious-stomach-brain-gut-connection

Hofmann, S. G., & Hay, A. C. (2018). Rethinking avoidance: Toward a balanced approach to avoidance in treating anxiety disorders. Journal of anxiety disorders, 55, 14-21.

Roelofs, K. (2017). Freeze for action: neurobiological mechanisms in animal and human freezing. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 372(1718).

Robinson, L. (2020, April). The 90-second rule that builds self-control. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-right-mindset/202004/the-90-second-rule-builds-self-control

Stein, M. B., & Sareen, J. (2015). Generalized anxiety disorder. New England Journal of Medicine, 373(21), 2059-2068.

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