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Returning to work is a major milestone that requires a total renegotiation of a mother’s role.

A successful transition depends on factors like workplace culture, support, and reasonable expectations.

The experience of this transition impacts a mother's well-being for years to come.

For many parents, returning to work after having a baby is one of the hardest transitions they will ever go through. First, there are the logistical hurdles, like managing childcare, complex schedules, and pumping breaks. Then, there’s the emotional weight of guilt, sleep deprivation, and a shifting identity. The research tells us that this is a critical period in a new mother’s personal and professional life, and her experience of this time can impact her well-being for years to come.

It is surprising that while researchers have studied postpartum depression for decades, there has been little focus on what it's actually like for mothers to return to the office. A recent literature review published in the Archives of Women's Mental Health found that, despite growing interest, the topic remains understudied.

More Than Just "Getting Back to Normal"

Returning to work isn’t about settling back into old routines. It is a complete upheaval of your past routines and way of life. Researchers describe this period as navigating your identity as both a mother and a worker at the same time. The cultural expectation is that you will "bounce back" to your pre-child self without skipping a beat.

Many parents report feeling torn in two pieces. They express feeling guilty at work and anxious about being away from the baby. At the same time, they feel pressure, often both internally and externally, which creates an internal tug-of-war. No matter how much you give, you feel like you are constantly failing. It’s important to remember that feeling like you’re failing doesn’t mean that you are. The reality is that you are navigating a system that wasn’t built to support working parents.

The "Make Up for It" Trap

A particularly telling finding in the literature is that many women feel that they must compensate for their absence by working harder than they did before. This creates a cycle where mothers feel they must apologize for taking time away to give birth and bond with their babies. Research shows that productivity doesn’t actually decline after maternity leave, yet the pressure to keep up is very real.

Reframes and Tips for the Return

The experience of returning to work will depend on many factors, including workplace culture, leadership, actual leave policy, and the presence, or lack thereof, of support. Even under the best of conditions, going back to work can be incredibly hard. If you’re getting ready to go back to work or you’re already in the thick of it, here are some ways to approach the return with more self-compassion and flexibility:

Make space for all of your feelings, including the messy ones. It’s common and understandable to feel emotions like guilt, grief, fear, relief, and even pride. You might feel all of these in the span of a morning. None of these means that you’re doing anything wrong. Instead of judging yourself, try to quietly observe your feelings and label them without attaching a story. “I feel guilty right now” feels very different from “I’m a bad mother.”

Don’t expect yourself to bounce back. You will likely feel a lot of social pressure to return to your pre-baby self. You might be expected to show up to work sharp, focused, and fully available. This is far from fair, but it is the reality. At the same time, your brain, body, and priorities have gone through a huge change. Give yourself permission to take your time in this transition and to find a new rhythm, rather than chasing your old one.

Talk to your partner about the mental load. Research consistently shows that how childcare and household responsibilities are divided at home directly affects a mother’s experience of returning to work. If you’re carrying most of the weight, share how you are feeling with your partner before it builds up and resentment sets in.

Ask for what you need at work. Whether that’s a gradual return, adjusted hours, a private room for pumping, or a check-in with your manager about expectations, advocating for yourself enhances your sense of control and may even get you what you need to succeed.

Find someone who gets it. Isolation is one of the hardest parts of this transition. Connecting with friends, family, a parenting group, or a therapist can provide a healthy outlet. If you find yourself feeling sad or worried most days for several weeks, reach out to a mental health professional for further evaluation and support. Children of mothers who experience high levels of psychological distress are at risk for their own developmental struggles, so taking care of your mental health is important not just for you but also for your children.

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You Were Never Meant to Do This Alone

Going back to work after having a baby is a complex transition that impacts your identity, relationships, and even mental health. If you’re in it right now and it all feels like too much, know that it is not a personal failure. There is a significant gap in the systems around you. While we advocate for systemic changes, the most radical thing that you can do is be honest about what you need and manage your internal expectations. Remember that the version of you that's figuring all of this out is doing something genuinely hard.

Franzoi, I. G., Sauta, M. D., De Luca, A., & Granieri, A. (2024). Returning to work after maternity leave: A systematic literature review. Archives of Women's Mental Health, 27(5), 737–749. https://doi.org/10.1007/s00737-024-01464-y

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