Why Relationships Matter

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Negative traits often carry more weight than positive ones in romantic evaluation.

Finding a suitable partner matters more than finding a perfect one.

Large differences between partners can undermine relational compatibility.

Dealbreakers matter especially when considering long-term relationships.

Choosing an optimal romantic partner is complex. We should consider the many factors and potential partners. Two distinctions are particularly important. The first is between the best person and the most compatible partner. The second is between dealbreakers (traits we seek to avoid) and dealmakers (traits we actively seek). The first distinction concerns the kind of person we are looking for; the second concerns the specific positive and negative traits we consider important. Both distinctions matter when choosing a partner wisely.

Overall Romantic Value

"If I had to dream up the perfect woman, she wouldn't even come close to you." — Boy Meets World

Potential partners are abundant in the romantic marketplace. We can assess their overall romantic value along two major dimensions: a nonrelational scale and a relational scale.

The nonrelational scale measures the value of traits considered independently of any particular relationship. These may include attractiveness, wisdom, intelligence, and kindness. This assessment has two advantages: It is relatively easy to assess, and people are likely to agree broadly about the value of........

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