Why Relationships Matter

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Mutual love is essential, but precisely equal amounts of love are neither necessary nor possible.

Greater relational power may increase temptation, but temptation need not result in infidelity.

A small asymmetry in love is tolerable, or even enriching; a large gap can undermine intimacy and commitment.

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you think they should, doesn't mean they don't love you with everything they have."—Mary O.

"If equal affection cannot be, let the more loving one be me."—W. H. Auden

Equality is a central value in human life and romantic relationships. Partners often resemble one another in political and social values, religiosity, education, personal history, smoking habits, and IQ. Such similarities facilitate mutual understanding and shared activities.

But must partners also love each other equally? I suggest not. Mutual love is essential, but precisely equal amounts of love are neither necessary nor possible. The crucial question is not whether partners love equally, but whether any difference is small enough to sustain an enduring and flourishing relationship.

"Love always differs, but everyone deserves a partner who puts in equal effort, most of the time. Love is less about the partner's achievements and more about their attitude and intentions toward you."—Anonymous

Measuring how much one partner loves another is difficult. Unlike researchers, ordinary people cannot rely on physiological indicators. Instead, they depend on their own feelings and their partner's behavior, often perceiving differences that may be real, exaggerated, or simply a reflection of different love languages.

People discussing unequal love often describe both sides as painful. One partner may feel they love more and are therefore more vulnerable; the other may feel guilty for not........

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