Operation Jawline: one question from Obama, one nervous Pentagon, and one bathroom mirror that knows too much.

CLEVELAND, OHIO — “How much time do you think this defense secretary spends looking at himself in the mirror in the morning?” Barack Obama asked at Saturday’s rally for Amy Acton and Sherrod Brown, teasing Pete Hegseth’s priorities amid the Iran war.

It was a campaign joke. In the imaginary Pentagon of this column, it became a national emergency.

“How much time?” demanded a general. “Get me a number!”

“Shall we ask the secretary?”

“Are you mad? Then we’d have to write down the answer.”

They ordered a stopwatch… Procurement sent a ring light… It had batteries, so they gave it a security clearance.

Scene One: The Mirror Hires a Lawyer

At five in the morning, investigators found the only witness hanging above a bathroom sink. It looked exhausted for something without eyelids.

“Oy, don’t ask,” groaned the Looking Glass. “Five o’clock, the hair. Five-fifteen, the jaw. Five-thirty, the jaw from the other side. At six, I suggested reading the morning intelligence report. He tilted me toward the good light. Apparently, I’m a domestic threat.”

The Office of Reflective Accountability convened under a banner reading HONOR • COURAGE • CONTOUR.

“Have you leaked classified images?” asked the chairman.

“I show whatever stands in front of me.”

“I’m a mirror, General.”

“We’ll let the lawyers........

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