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Today Show Commissars Interrogate Chicken Sandwich Boss About Gay And Trans Stuff

How does a bag of sandwiches ‘stand with’ lesbians, say for example?

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Editor’s note: This article discusses mature themes.

How can you possibly eat a sandwich until you’re completely certain that it’s a gay sandwich? And your waffle fries, are they cool with transgender identity? Would the person frying your lunch give a 12-year-old a prescription for puberty blockers? I tried to order a Whopper yesterday, but the Burger King cashier wouldn’t affirm her commitment to providing surgical neo-vaginas to adolescents with public funding, so I stormed out in a rage. It’s important to have standards.

This very important topic comes to us from NBC News, which questioned Chick-fil-A CEO Andrew Cathy this week about the premise that “they don’t stand with the LGBTQ community.”

It’s a question that isn’t a question, asked in word-shaped things that have no meaning. How would that work? How does a bag of sandwiches “stand with” the entire global class of lesbians, say, for example? Do the chicken sandwiches have to engage in some sort of sexual act, or is there just a ritual........

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