Opinion

The nine words you need to say to change your relationships for good

Dismissive phrases like 'you're overreacting' erode trust over time, but one mindset shift can rebuild connection

By Jason VanRuler Fox News

Published April 18, 2026 9:00am EDT

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There is almost always a moment in a strained relationship that sounds like some version of this:

"You are making this a bigger deal than it is." "You’re overreacting." "Why are you making this a thing? Can’t you get over it?"

And underneath those words is something far deeper than the disagreement itself. It’s the quiet dismissal and rupture that communicates, "What matters to you isn’t important to me."

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If you have experienced this, you know how painful and frustrating it can be to be misunderstood or minimized in a relationship.

And if you have said these phrases to someone — as most of us have — you might argue that you didn’t mean it the way it sounded. You were just trying to fix the situation and move past what created the disconnect. But when you do this, you miss something important and foundational:

If it matters to you, it matters to me.

It’s a sentence that sounds simple but isn’t. In fact, it’s one of the most challenging relational standards we can uphold, and one of the most transformational.

As a therapist, I have had a front-row seat to relationships that are in chaos, tumult, or ending. And in those moments, what forced the end of the relationship was not the whiplash from a singular event, but instead the weight of........

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