AFL football operations officials and legal counsel gathered in a meeting room at AFL headquarters wringing their hands.
“What do we do about Ken?” asks one.
“You can’t go doing aeroplane charades and yelling sledges at Ginni. It’s unseemly. There’s a time and a place – and on the ground as Luke Breust was to be chaired off for his 300th game was neither.”
Ken Hinkley and James Sicily exchanged words after the match.Credit: AFL Photos
The officials scratched their heads, trying to conjure up just the right number. “What feels right? We gave the Giants $20k for Jase McCartney chesting Tommy Papley. Bloody hell that was only last week, don’t these blokes learn?”
“Ken didn’t make contact with anyone, so maybe less? A reprimand?”
“Reprimand?” one splurted. “Right you, out. Go find us some of those custard pastries. No, it needs to be financial, these people only understand money.”
“Can we fine Sicily? I mean, he was yelling back ...”
“I like your thinking, but I’m not sure he actually did anything wrong. No, it’s got to be $20k for Ken too, we can’t have this sort of thing. We’ll call it ‘conduct unbecoming’. He’s incensed the Hawks and their fans.”
In another room across the building, the fixturing department arrive. They walk into the room and high five each other.
“Woohoo! Kennnny delivers!”
“Camperdown Ken, you beauty. Finally, a Port game people in Melbourne want to watch. Better put that one on nice and early next year. Imagine the crowd we’ll get!”
“Cripes, we got 98,000 to the Hawthorn-Bulldogs elimination final, and they don’t even hate each other. We’ll get an extra 20,000 for this. We haven’t had fans hate another coach since Sheeds! Can we put them on opening round?”
“Hmm. Not sure it’d fly in Sydney. See what I did there – fly?” (The executive sticks his arms out, mimicking Ken mimicking a toddler mimicking a plane.)
“OK, Gather Round maybe?”
“No, if we wanted to waste it........