The ugly emotion pregnant people aren’t supposed to talk about |
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The ugly emotion pregnant people aren’t supposed to talk about
I feel guilty about how much I hate being pregnant. Experts say I shouldn’t.
Greetings from hell — that is, the third trimester of my high-risk pregnancy with fraternal twins. Unlike every pregnant person on Instagram who is either waltzing around a meadow, cradling their bump in total bliss, or sorting through chic baby decor somewhere in their 7,000 square foot mansion, I have found pregnancy to be abhorrent.
I spent the first four months puking multiple times a day, thanks to sky-high pregnancy hormones. I had two solid weeks where I got my energy — and appetite — back, during which time I thought, Cool, let’s get into this and buy the cute maternity outfits and baby gear. Then, I was diagnosed with cervical issues, admitted to the hospital for surgery, and told to spend the next four months on “modified bed rest” (a prescription to be off my feet as much as possible). Most days, I am in good-ish spirits, while, at the same time, feeling totally perplexed that some people find pregnancy to be enjoyable.
I also feel deeply ashamed that I detest this thing that’s supposed to be a beautiful, special, sacred experience, especially when so many of my friends are struggling with infertility and paying tens of thousands of dollars for egg freezing or in vitro fertilization (IVF). But according to Dr. Ariadna Forray, an associate professor of psychiatry and director of the Center for Wellbeing of Women and Mothers at Yale School of Medicine, my emotions aren’t an anomaly; they’re the norm. “It’s more the exception that I’ve ever met someone who’s been overjoyed throughout the whole pregnancy and is just ecstatic about it,” Forray told Vox.
Why do I feel guilty about disliking pregnancy, anyway?
To this day, pregnancy is still framed as something to want in life. Movies and TV shows often romanticize it, and there’s no shortage of posts on social media portraying pregnancy like the be-all and end-all of womanhood. Everyone from strangers on the street to close family members make comments like “enjoy this time!” or “I loved being pregnant.” Another one I hear is “you’ll forget how bad it is once you have your babies.”
More often than not, pregnancy is treated as a........