Jane Macdougall: One thing that’s unrivalled is the service. Where else today can you find white linen table cloths, round tables that seat 10, or old-world service where everyone remembers your name?

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Now, I can’t verify this story but my source is pretty reliable.

Some years ago, my friend was taking his kids on a downtown adventure. One of the stops was the cruise ship terminal. As they line up to peer at the floating behemoth, my friend notices a guy in the crowd. The face is somehow familiar.

After a few moments, it occurs to him that he’s looking at the incredibly famous American playwright, Neil Simon. It also occurs to him that he’s the only one who seems to recognize him.

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To jog your memory, I’ll mention just a few of Simon’s blockbusters: The Odd Couple, The Goodbye Girl, Plaza Suite, Biloxi Blues, Last of the Red Hot Lovers, and the list goes on and on. Simon won just about every award possible, including a Pulitzer and the Mark Twain Award for American Humour.

And here he was, completely undetected, on the dock in Vancouver.

My friend ventures a remark.

It turns out that it is, indeed, Neil Simon. He’s heading off on a cruise to Alaska.

My friend asks him if he’s a big fan of cruising. Simon chuckles and says that he doesn’t go for the scenery, but that he does much of his writing on cruise ships as they’re the perfect environment for writing. He can get everything he wants and he can be as isolated as he chooses.

As artists’ garrets go, it’s a good one.

There’s a lot to be said for cruises.

In my estimation, the next best thing for checking yourself into a hospital for exhaustion is getting on a cruise. Especially if you live in a port city like Vancouver. The departure couldn’t be easier and the scenery changes every day without you having to lug your suitcase anywhere.

Now, you might say you’re not a cruise sort of person, but that would only show that you have little comprehension of the options available to you. My entire family went on a cruise to Alaska a few years back. My nephew sequestered himself on the observation deck and studied for his MCAT, my niece had room service every morning and rarely left her suite, the rest of the tribe had cut-throat ping-pong tournaments and, each night, everyone dressed up for dinner. Now, how often does that happen?

One thing that’s unrivalled is the service on board. Where else can you find white linen table cloths, round tables that seat 10, or old-world service where — how do they do this?! — everyone remembers your name? On board, people say “Good morning!”, and the staff can’t seem to do enough for you. Not only is your room swiftly made up each day, but there will be an orangutan or a dolphin fashioned out of towels waiting at the foot of your bed each night. Truly, it’s a marvel.

Neil Simon died in 2018. But given the range of experience offered on board, don’t be surprised if you see another Kennedy Centre honoree, lost in thought, walking the promenade alongside you.

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